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Up until this year I can't really say that I've had any goals - apart from being able to have children. That's always been there, at the forefront of my mind, niggling away at me. But I've always just settled with the conclusion that I wouldn't know how that goes until I start trying. Apart from that, it's always been a take-one-day-at-a-time-and-see-what-happens kind of goal... Lets see how this treatment goes... Let's see if the Prof. can suggest anything else to try... Lets see if I will be having surgery again... Let's see... Blah, blah, blah!
But this year that all changed when my endometriosis flared up in February. My initial goal was to get the pain to stop. Then get back to work. I never imagined at that point that I would have to take a year out of the job that I'd worked so hard for... The job that later made me redundant! Above everything else this year, besides maybe winning a fortune on the lottery, my goal has been to get better.
It's been a really difficult time. Some days I've felt pretty good and sometimes gone without any tablets (that's happened on about 2 whole days this year!), but then, boom! The pain is back and I can't do anything again. It's difficult having to live your life like that, not knowing what's going to happen, just waiting to see how things go and taking one day at a time.
Since finding out my date for surgery, I've been setting goals to get to that will take me up to the operation. Little things like concerts or our break in London, Christmas time and New Year.
The big goal is my operation in January and as yet I haven't really looked past this. I don't know what's going to happen after my surgery. I'm praying it works and I'll be pain free - I know what happened last time with this surgery but I am trying to be positive and hold that hope tight. This is going to be it, the surgery that will change everything. I'll be back at work as soon as I can and then me and the boy can get out little house and properly start our lives together.
It's keeping me going - that hope. But I won't know if it all pans out until January.