I'm a bit all over the place at the moment. I'm down with everything and crying everyday, but also really irritable with things. Each day, I wake up and think 'today's going to be different'. I try and be positive but then things just get to me.
I feel really stuck in my head because I don't feel like I can talk to the boy properly at the moment. He is trying to keep me positive but in doing that, I'm not able to talk about my issues. Our issues. I feel really alone with everything right now and I don't know how to cope with it all.
On the pain front, I think things are getting a little better. Going to the toilet seems a little less painful - still painful, just not quite as much - but all the other pains and problems are there. 3 out of the 4 lots of stitches have now come out which does make it a little easier with clothes because I don't have to worry about catching them now. My tum is still bloated up and painful though so the trouser front is still a no go. I also have quite a lot of pain on the right side of my tum, almost like a hard ball is there. It feels really tight and a bit like it's getting in the way. Odd.
I have my medical re-assessment on Thursday for my benefits (less than a year in to being on ESA). I am worrying about it but if they say I'm fit for work then I'll just have to appeal because I wouldn't even be able to get in to town to sign on for Jobseekers at the moment! I just need a bit more time to recover and get back on my feet and then as soon as I feel fighting fit again I'll start the job hunting. But I feel I have quite a way to go until that point right now. I'm hoping though that getting out on Thursday will be a first step in getting me out on a more regular basis. I'm desperate for a wander around the shops!
I got really annoyed yesterday with Facebook. If you follow me on there (or even on Twitter), you'll know that I'm really open to sharing any and everything when it comes to endometriosis. If someone wants to promote their own blog on my page then that's fine, I have no qualms with it at all. But every now and again, I do go on to other Facebook (endometriosis) pages and promote EMLWY a little and ask for people to share their stories. And we're talking like maybe once a month, if that. But I went on to a few pages yesterday and discovered that they had blocked me and reported me as 'abusive and spammy'! I did have a little rant a few weeks ago at how it annoyed me that some groups gave you no options to comment or chat on them, but this just really p'd me off! I thought the whole point of raising awareness is to spread the word and find as many outlets to do that as possible. Being an endo sister means pulling together and supporting one another but it's now apparent that that's not the case for some and for them it's all about competition - who has the most followers, the biggest, the best. Well, if people want to be like that then fine. But it's sad that there are people out there who are like this. I'm not one of those people and I'll do anything to support my sisters especially when they have been so fabulous in supporting me.
Ugh. So, yeah, that's the kind of mood I'm in!
I had a night in with naughty foods and movies last night as the boy was having a night out. Today, with his hangover, I've sent him to buy me some hair dye! Poor bloke! But this mop on my head needs sorting desperately so it's colouring tomorrow and styling on Tuesday. I, however, am having another lazy day and relaxing. Not that I can do too much else.
I feel really stuck in my head because I don't feel like I can talk to the boy properly at the moment. He is trying to keep me positive but in doing that, I'm not able to talk about my issues. Our issues. I feel really alone with everything right now and I don't know how to cope with it all.
On the pain front, I think things are getting a little better. Going to the toilet seems a little less painful - still painful, just not quite as much - but all the other pains and problems are there. 3 out of the 4 lots of stitches have now come out which does make it a little easier with clothes because I don't have to worry about catching them now. My tum is still bloated up and painful though so the trouser front is still a no go. I also have quite a lot of pain on the right side of my tum, almost like a hard ball is there. It feels really tight and a bit like it's getting in the way. Odd.
I have my medical re-assessment on Thursday for my benefits (less than a year in to being on ESA). I am worrying about it but if they say I'm fit for work then I'll just have to appeal because I wouldn't even be able to get in to town to sign on for Jobseekers at the moment! I just need a bit more time to recover and get back on my feet and then as soon as I feel fighting fit again I'll start the job hunting. But I feel I have quite a way to go until that point right now. I'm hoping though that getting out on Thursday will be a first step in getting me out on a more regular basis. I'm desperate for a wander around the shops!
I got really annoyed yesterday with Facebook. If you follow me on there (or even on Twitter), you'll know that I'm really open to sharing any and everything when it comes to endometriosis. If someone wants to promote their own blog on my page then that's fine, I have no qualms with it at all. But every now and again, I do go on to other Facebook (endometriosis) pages and promote EMLWY a little and ask for people to share their stories. And we're talking like maybe once a month, if that. But I went on to a few pages yesterday and discovered that they had blocked me and reported me as 'abusive and spammy'! I did have a little rant a few weeks ago at how it annoyed me that some groups gave you no options to comment or chat on them, but this just really p'd me off! I thought the whole point of raising awareness is to spread the word and find as many outlets to do that as possible. Being an endo sister means pulling together and supporting one another but it's now apparent that that's not the case for some and for them it's all about competition - who has the most followers, the biggest, the best. Well, if people want to be like that then fine. But it's sad that there are people out there who are like this. I'm not one of those people and I'll do anything to support my sisters especially when they have been so fabulous in supporting me.
Ugh. So, yeah, that's the kind of mood I'm in!
I had a night in with naughty foods and movies last night as the boy was having a night out. Today, with his hangover, I've sent him to buy me some hair dye! Poor bloke! But this mop on my head needs sorting desperately so it's colouring tomorrow and styling on Tuesday. I, however, am having another lazy day and relaxing. Not that I can do too much else.
I am hoping I'll perk up for you all soon.
Awe, love. I'm so sorry you're having a rough go of things! Do you have a rice pack? That really seemed to help me with the belly pain. It gets sooo hot and holds the heat so much better! And yes, something about doing our hair and at least looking fab does something to make us feel better. Color away! But be careful when you go touring the shops. It's amazing how quickly you tire, and then it takes time to get back up to the slow pace you were at before. Ease into it.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to talk about it though, isn't it? Especially to the boy. They love us and want to be helpful, and in their way they are, but they can never fully get it.
Keep the faith love, and eat lots of chocolate, it helps!
XO
~M