Thursday, 30 May 2013

Break time over.

















First and foremost, before I start waffling on about anything else, I must apologise for my recent absence and lack of work on the blog. I've had a few weeks away from writing because I was getting a little stressed out with everything that was happening in my personal life and trying to keep up with posts on EMLWY was just adding to it. I needed a break away from all things endometriosis (minus everything endometriosis that I have to live with day to day!) and now I feel ready to catch up with things. So, I'm sorry everyone... Especially for just disappearing without any prior warning but sometimes you just need to get away from things to clear your head.

I haven't written a personal post since the middle of April so I think the best place to start off is where I left you all last time...

On my last post, Is this how happy feels?, I spoke about my hospital appointment and having been referred on to the fertility clinic. Well, we've got our date through for the clinic now and we see our doctor in three weeks time, on Wednesday 19th June. It's all very exciting but I am nervous at the same time. This is a massive thing and I'm praying it works for us. So for now, we just have to wait and see.

My friend, Lou, and her boyfriend, the boys little brother, Scott, lost their baby, as I mentioned before. But, on the day I wrote about it all, Lou ended up in hospital again as the pregnancy fully miscarried. They've been through a pretty traumatic time but the miscarriage has caused no damage to Lou's insides which is great news. It's just a case of taking each day as it comes now and trying to work through it all together.

Me and the boy went to see Saxon in concert again in April as I'd bought him tickets for his birthday. It was the third time I've seen them now and they were fantastic as always. It's now only three weeks until Download Festival so I'm hoping that I'm going to be OK on those days and that we'll have good weather this year! Luckily, as long as I'm not on my period, I should be fine as it isn't too much walking and if it's sunny we'll just be sunbathing for most of the time anyway!

Ooh, do you want to hear all about my benefits kerfuffle!? Well, I won my appeal! Great news, ha!? They decided I wasn't fit for work and put me back in for Employment and Support Allowance. Unfortunately, instead of being put in to the Support Group I was in from May 2012-March 2013, I've been put in to a Work Related Activity Group. The wording on the letter was terrible and I really had no idea what this meant until I received another letter instructing me to attend an interview at my local Jobcentre Plus at the end of April. That day was a bad pain day and after a £12 taxi journey I arrived at my interview, only to be told very little, other than I was being referred on to a work training company who are going to put me into work! I would be earning up to £90 a week without it effecting my now reduced amount of benefits (I previously got £119 per week while in the Support Group whereas in the Work Related Activity Group I get £99 per week) and it would all be suitable for me to undertake. Even writing this now, I am infuriated!!! I was basically being sent back to work to earn nothing because my taxi costs there and back would cost me £24 per day - a total of £120 for 5 days work!! So I'd actually be losing money for going to work - never mind the fact that they hadn't taken anything I had said about not being able to work due to pain in to consideration. I explained everything to the adviser who was interviewing me and he suggested that I appeal again and ask to be put back in to the support group. I left the Jobcentre almost in tears. I was in agony, I'd had to get my mum to accompany me in to town to help me and had to spend £24 in taxi costs for this. So, that night I wrote out my second appeal letter and got this all sent off by the end of that working week. So far, all I know is that they have received my appeal paperwork, I don't yet have any word on the outcome. I'm just fed up of fighting for something that I should be supported on... Especially when there are so many people in this country who have nothing wrong with them, yet get so much money given to them from the government. Where is my help!? Anyway, that's all I'm going to write on the subject right now because I can feel my blood starting to bubble away and I really don't want any more stress right now! I'll keep you all informed as and when I hear anything though. I just pray it's good news... Maybe I should just go to them for further treatments for my endometriosis, since they seem to know so much about it... OK. Stopping now!

My papa celebrated his 65th birthday at the beginning of May and we all went out for a massive family meal at Marco Pierre Whites in Nottingham. It was a beautiful meal and we all got a little tipsy... Including me! I had half a bottle of cider and 2 large glasses of wine and that was me done in! I should not have drunk that much because it made me feel really bad that night! That weekend, we also went to the rugby to see Leicester Tigers pummel London Irish 32-20! Papa also managed to get us corporate tickets so we had dinner and drinks before and after the game along with free gifts and padded seating - which my bum was very grateful for!

As you might have noticed from the photos above, me and the boy went away for a little holiday in the second week of May. We went to Butlin's in Skegness for a few days and had a lovely time. We celebrated our three year anniversary while we were there and had a romantic seaside dinner of chips, fishcake and mushy peas, washed down with a can of pop!... We know how to do romance! I got myself a new bit of ink also, a little Sylvia Plath quote on my leg which I am absolutely in love with! Butlin's was a little overridden by children and more than a little expensive, but we got out each day to see the sights and really enjoyed ourselves. 

We went to the rugby again when we got back home from our break and (again) watched the mighty Leicester Tigers thrash their opponents London Harlequins 33-16. This took us Tigers to the final at Twickenham, this past weekend, which saw them win the premiership against Northampton Saints 37-17! I've really gotten in the rugby over the last year and I'm quite impressed that, finally, at the age of 29, I'm understanding a sports game!

Apart from all that, I've just been either at home, resting, or having little wanders in town. I recently managed to make it in to Loughborough by myself, on the bus! A massive feat! But then, the boy had to pick me up and I spent the next few days in bed recovering! The weathers picked up a bit recently (minus the odd days of heavy rain!) so we've been able to have barbecues and go for slow walks in the sunshine. I just hope the weather continues to pick up so we can have a nice warm summer!

Me and the boy have now been living together for almost 2 months and it's all going swimmingly. It's certainly nice to fall asleep and wake up next to him every day. I just need to get back to work so we can get our own place!

I have noticed that things with my endometriosis have gotten slightly better. Only slightly but that's better than nothing at all, like it was before! My periods have been heavy and painful still but, I think, they've been a little less painful and heavy than before. They had also been starting to get in to a pattern of being early - until this month anyway... I don't know what the heck's happening with my period right now! I'm not due until next week but I've been spotting lightly, on and off, since last week. Obviously, you all know what my first thought was, but I don't think it's that. I think it is just my period being a pain in the ol' butt! I have noticed, however, that whereas the pain during my period has eased slightly, the pain I am in the week after my period is terrible. I have been in so much pain the week after the last few months that during these times I've been almost completely bed bound. I even had to take some Nefopam on top of my normal Tramadol and Ibuprofen daily mixture last month. As you know, the fertility treatment is the next step for me so for now I just have to put up with the pain.

Luckily, however, I have now received both my Pain Management and Liaison Psychiatry appointments which are both in the last two weeks of July! I'm so excited about finally getting my Pain Management date through though - even if I have got a bit of a wait still! I'm so hoping they can help me - even just to get me off this Tramadol which I am really starting to hate now. I am twitching like mad all the time and I hate how it makes my body feel. I can't even describe it - it just feels horrible.

So, there you have it. I'm having a lazy week at the moment because I am absolutely beyond exhausted! I even had to have an afternoon nap yesterday which I never, ever do! I'm hoping that I'm going to be OK for the weekend as I've talked the boy in to taking me over to Leicester for a wander on Saturday and then on Sunday we are going for a meal with the boys family to celebrate Lou's birthday and his Mama and Papa's 30th wedding anniversary.

I have quite a lot of work to get done on the blog and some things are going to be changed a little, mainly to take a bit of pressure off me really. I want to enjoy EMLWY, not feel like I'm chained to it - which is how I was feeling before the break! I have a few stories to go up still (apologies if you've sent a story over and I've not contacted you yet, I'll be getting around to it all soon!), but if you haven't yet sent your story over then please feel free to email me at shireen.emlwy@gmail.com. Also, remember folks that Google Reader will be binned soon so please head on over to Bloglovin' and follow EMLWY through that! Anyway, keep an eye out and I'll be back soon!... Ta ra for now!

5 comments:

  1. WOW! I'm so sorry about the frustration you are going through. I wish you all the best. I'm glad you managed to have beautiful moments amidst all the confusion. BTW the photos are really nice. Thanks for sharing your journey! :)

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  2. It looks like you had a great time I'm pleased. I went through the whole fertility specialist process over 2010/2011 and they told me nothing was wrong but only because they tried to dismiss endo that obviously wont happen with you, I pushed to see a endo specialist and had my surgery and diagnosis in March this year and hoping to do IVF in the next few months. We attended the seminar so its up to us when. I hope it all goes well for you. I am shocked by the benefits system and I hope you get somewhere with the appeal, I hate the Jobcentre like you say theres some people with nothing wrong with them and they get benefits not problem its disgusting. Well done on keeping happy and enjoying yourself even if its only some of the time, take care xx

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  3. Good luck with the fertility appointment and sorry to hear about the benefits hassle, they just keep pushing and pushing don't they, and if you turn up for that work they will say you've just proved you can work, however much it takes out of you, so watch out for that.

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  4. I feel your pain. Although I don't have endo, I do have pcos and don't ovulate regularly. To complicate things I'm also in a same sex relationship which entitles me to zero NHS assistance where I live.

    I have wanted to have a child for as long as I can remember. I'm 30 now, with no prospect of ever being able to afford private treatment. My life is being controlled by my anxiety and depression over this issue and I have yet to find anyone who understands. I was referred for CBT but my therapist was only interested in beating the anxiety symptoms rather than talking about and addressing the obvious underlying issues.

    I cannot accept I will never have children and a future without children terrifies me. I hope your journey has a positive ending...I'll be following with interest xx

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  5. Also, I forgot to add that I read you're quite local to me...I'm just outside Loughborough! My email is L 4 BROWNE at gmail dot com if you ever fancy a chat...although I have severe social anxiety so may only be up to email conversation to start haha! Be good to talk to someone who understands xxx

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